Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You dont lie about slip and slides
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
