Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
