sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
