When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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