At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
