and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
