Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
