If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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