I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
