Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize