'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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