Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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