went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
