I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
