I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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