i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
