I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
