Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Boobs speak an international language.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
