Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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