Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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