Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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