So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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