so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
