I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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