Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
