i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
