as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
