i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They have beer where we have blood.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
