apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
