Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
