I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
