he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
