I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
