I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
