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Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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