party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
