The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
