You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
