You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
