Dude my mom stole all your condoms
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
