I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
