If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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