who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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