that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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