I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
