Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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