His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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