It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
