went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
