I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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