We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
