Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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