I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
