I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
