Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
