my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
honey bunches of taint.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
