It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
