yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
