Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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