i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
