id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
