"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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