There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Michael Bay diarrhea
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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