Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.

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  (201): just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face. http://tfl.nu/tz6f
  Replies (7) Good night (2740) Bad night (614)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"

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  (319): Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in" http://tfl.nu/15za
  Replies (64) Good night (5445) Bad night (1203)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

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  (904): i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall http://tfl.nu/fpdq
  Replies (36) Good night (8482) Bad night (1093)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

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  (843): Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17. http://tfl.nu/5ely
  Replies (80) Good night (14505) Bad night (1182)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.

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  (832): you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would. http://tfl.nu/dwd2
  Replies (7) Good night (5358) Bad night (2614)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.

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  (541): She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad. http://tfl.nu/yao2
  Replies (9) Good night (870) Bad night (3067)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?

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  (919): Have you ever tried running while drinking 151? http://tfl.nu/mfna
  Replies (4) Good night (2259) Bad night (1417)
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  (+33): View more from France

  Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.

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  (+33): Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that. http://tfl.nu/zac1
  Replies (2) Good night (2481) Bad night (953)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You're so demanding.

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  (618): Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka (816): You're so demanding. http://tfl.nu/w483
  Replies (3) Good night (1928) Bad night (1182)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.

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  (+64): The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me. http://tfl.nu/8v6d
  Replies (1) Good night (1929) Bad night (716)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?

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  (816): We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right? http://tfl.nu/k62y
  Replies (3) Good night (1883) Bad night (679)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.

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  (917): It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet. http://tfl.nu/tf3l
  Replies (3) Good night (768) Bad night (506)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.

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  (304): And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/3w59
  Replies (3) Good night (580) Bad night (305)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.

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  (847): Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken. http://tfl.nu/xu0v
  Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (343)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.

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  (914): I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man. http://tfl.nu/8gmb
  Replies (5) Good night (619) Bad night (382)

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