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i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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