i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Some milfs here doing some blow
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.