Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!

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  (248): I cant believe we actually had a nipple party! http://tfl.nu/pec6
  Replies (5) Good night (2062) Bad night (479)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.

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  (503): New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter. http://tfl.nu/mtsq
  Replies (9) Good night (2869) Bad night (893)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.

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  (208): I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid. http://tfl.nu/h0xq
  Replies (11) Good night (775) Bad night (2437)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can

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  (610): Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can http://tfl.nu/8h8s
  Replies (17) Good night (6195) Bad night (884)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR

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  (918): Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR http://tfl.nu/fkjm
  Replies (22) Good night (4446) Bad night (1246)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!

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  (425): Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue! http://tfl.nu/4b94
  Replies (14) Good night (3061) Bad night (999)
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  (707): View more from California

  My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her

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  (707): My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her http://tfl.nu/qrm1
  Replies (10) Good night (2187) Bad night (671)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.

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  (218): I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting. http://tfl.nu/tl66
  Replies (11) Good night (924) Bad night (1661)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.

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  (815): He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT. http://tfl.nu/1ipa
  Replies (10) Good night (919) Bad night (1748)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  People are yelling about how much they want you here.

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.

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  (651): People are yelling about how much they want you here. (563): I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled. http://tfl.nu/lpre
  Replies (4) Good night (2445) Bad night (696)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.

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  (630): Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face. http://tfl.nu/i080
  Replies (8) Good night (560) Bad night (1247)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.

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  (708): Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything? (1-708): Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference. http://tfl.nu/anav
  Replies (14) Good night (1320) Bad night (600)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.

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  (912): If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight. http://tfl.nu/iyrl
  Replies (2) Good night (799) Bad night (410)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.

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  (251): Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road. http://tfl.nu/x4ff
  Replies (3) Good night (586) Bad night (231)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels

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  (403): My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels http://tfl.nu/2oli
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (313)

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