Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
