I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
