Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
