Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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