I wish I could teleport
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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