google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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