Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
