Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My penis needs a shock collar
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
