I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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