I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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