At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
