Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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