He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
