Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
