is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We left the knife in your bed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
